Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
