Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
