I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
