"it" just moved
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
