He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
