There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
