Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
two words: eviction party
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
