She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
