The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
