your room smells of hookers.
And success
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You can't just leave with hair like that
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
