Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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