He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
