I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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