stop calling my apartment porn island.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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