On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
