were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
