he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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