I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
