he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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