How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
