That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
