I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
