fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
