32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
