I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
