sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
