I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
