Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
