i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
