you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't deserve a penis
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
