glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
