You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
