don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
