he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
