I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
