; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
