Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
