She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
