That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
