Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
