My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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