Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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