she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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