i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
