There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
