You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
