I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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