Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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