Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
