This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
