DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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