Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
